Maddie-isms

-“Mommy I have a boo-boo on my finger, see?”(Maddie)
“Does it hurt?” (me)
“yeaaah....but a Popsicle will make me feel better” (Maddie)

-Maddie was going through the fisher price catalog and pointed out a cute baby doll set. I pointed to the brown haired one with pig tails and said this one looks like you. She then pointed to the black baby and said this one looks like you mommy. Ha ha, see Maddie knows the truth.

-Maddie put a diaper on her new baby today. After her nap she took the baby’s diaper off and said “oh good, that’s not gross”

-Today Maddie got the final request on her christmas list...an elephant named Winks. Maddie decided to rename him Loopy. It works since today she was acting a little loopy

Maddie-isms

December 28th, 2010

-Nana and Pop Pop took Maddie to the store to pick out a new doll. They told her she could have any doll she wanted and she picked the cheapest doll that was the kind only it’s mommy could love. We asked her several times if that was the doll she wanted and tried to tempt her with other dolls but she kept going back to get that one. On the way out of the store she leaned into the doll carrier and said “awe you're so cute....yes you are”

-When Maddie was carrying her baby into the room in her little baby carrier the baby fell out on her head...Maddie said “Oh no I rescue her” then when she picked her up she said “I saved the day”

-I was telling Nana a story and she said (while holding Maddie who was petting the cat) “oh they are full of crap” and then Maddie said “he crapped my hand” about the cat

- I told Maddie she was her baby’s Mommy and she said “what’s her daddy’s name?”

Holly's Second Adventure in Childbirth: Blake's Arrival

August 30, 2010

Sitting in the quiet hospital room.  Mandi visited, took good photos and went home.  Maddie played, ate yogurt, laughed a lot, cried a little, and left with Nana and Pop Pop for a nap.   Holly is sleeping now.  What a time to recap what I remember of yesterday.

Holly is 38 weeks pregnant and it’s the Friday before the Monday of her planned Cesarean birth of our son.

Holly had planned a wonderful Saturday trip to the zoo as a family.  She wanted to show Maddie the zebras and monkeys and such.  Maddie was on board and ready, but I was trying to caution her against being in the middle of nowhere, between Ashland and Columbus, with no medical help.  The money would have been tight, but she saved some, held a garage sale, and was going to get her daughter to the zoo.  I support that and was disappointed when we cancelled that plan.  Here is our story from my point of view.

FRIDAY

She told me of night back pains and nausea, which are signs of impending labor.  Friday morning is the last OB doctor visit.  When he checked and found her to be 3 cm dilated and slightly thinned, he recommended against it.  I concurred.  She seemed heartbroken and I felt it too.  While I usually throw caution to the wind on worry-wart behaviour, feeling that worry and fear rob us of our lives and joy, this one just didn’t feel right.  Holly called her parents who were planning a late Saturday arrival to watch Maddie for the procedure.  They accelerated their plans and aimed to arrive in the area late Friday night.  They did arrive Friday night.  Leaving the doctor, she dropped me off at work, where everyone was leaving for Mexican Friday lunch.  Laura, Brian, and Danielle later said that Holly had that look of being in real discomfort, and doubted she’d make it until Monday.  They were right.

Later that day, while at work, Holly called to say that her contractions had been increasing to 15 minutes apart but were going away.  I admonished her and told her that since I was 10 minutes away, she HAD to call me if they got closer than thirty minutes.  Thirty minutes was the threshold at which we would call the doctor to head to the hospital.  “Bad Holly!” I admonished to make her hear the seriousness at this thirty minute rule we made.

SATURDAY

Saturday morning, we had coffee at Starbucks, and pound cake, too.  Holly treated with her zoo money.  We had a good time.  For five minutes, Maddie and I chased each other outside, danced in circles, and ran slow and fast.  After Starbucks, we went to the pool at Dreamland.  There, we played in the shallow water, Holly sat mostly, not feeling too comfortable, and Mandi had Halley and Hannah. After a short while, holly’s parents arrived and they sat around, too, seemingly trying to stay in the shade - not a challenge to understand on a bright, 90 degree day.  After a while we all left and had lunch. Holly got a veggie, Subway sub, and the rest of us lunched at China Wok.  Afterwards, Holly’s parents went to the campground in their RV, and we went home.  

We reclined in front of the TV, and watched Clash of the Titans, while measuring Holly’s contractions.  I even downloaded an iPhone app to measure.  They were about 12 minutes apart on the first interval, then 22 minutes, then 28 minutes.  All seemed to be calming down.  Nightly routine, Maddie went to bed, and I fell asleep around 11:30.

SUNDAY (Barely)

At 12:45 am, I heard a loud crack, and Holly yelling, “Mark!”  I snapped out of bed and ran to the bathroom to see Holly sitting on the floor in front of the toilet, vomit on the toilet lid, and she looked bad.  Her contractions were 8-10 minutes apart.  

“Huh?  For how long?” I asked.  

“Now” she replied.  Having just woken up, I had little communicative reserve.

“We’re going to the hospital,” I informed her.

“Should I call my parents to come watch Maddie?”

“No time, and I’m not waiting at all.  10 minutes apart? What about our Thirty Minute Rule?”

“Let me call my parents.”

“I’m not waiting one minute, we’re going.  Head for the truck.”  And with that, I slung my fashionable, green Maddie doo-dad bag over my shoulder.  That’s my “bugout” bag of her clothes, diapers, snacks, and such.  I went into Maddie’s room, and scooped her up with her pink cat, Helen, and her little black dog, Tuffy.  I made sure to get her blanket and sling it on the shoulder strap of my bag.  Holly was almost out the door having grabbed her bugout bag.  As we’re going down the stairs, Maddie finally realized something was not right, and with her soft, breathy, slightly confused voice, she asked me a question.

“What are we doing, Daddy?” she whispered.  Of course it sounded more like, “Whah ah we doing, Daddy?”  She melts my heart.  So often.  So easily.

I only ran one red light on the way, and didn’t speed too badly, either.  Her contractions were down to a couple minutes apart.  I called Dr. Assaley’s answering service and left voicemail as to the situation and what we are doing. Finally at the hospital after the 20 minute drive.  Maddie and Holly stay in the car.  I run to the ER, grab a wheelchair and head back to the truck.  Wheelchair brakes on.

“Holly, can you get in yourself?”

“Yes.”

“Where are we daddy?”

“We’re going to see the mommy-doctor.”

I get Maddie out of the car seat.  She’s still a little disoriented.  I make sure to grab her Helen and blanket.  Holly in the wheelchair.  Maddie in my left arm.  I get them both into the hospital.  Hard to steer with one arm. When we arrived at the labor and delivery floor, I was still carrying Maddie, and I get to the nurse at the desk.

“How are are her contractions?”

“About 2-4 minutes apart.  She was 3cm yesterday.”

“Oh my.”  The other two nurses behind her get the look of a person about to start to work.  The look that says, “back on the clock.”

The nurses help Holly to a monitoring bed, and Maddie is getting concerned.

“What’s mommy doing?”

“She’s getting ready to see the doctor.”

“Can I have some pain medicine?  This is so much worse than when I had Maddie?  I need it now.  Get the spinal guy in here!”

They have called Dr. Assaley, and he’s on his way.  A few minutes later, Leslie and Al are there in the hall, so I take Maddie to sit with them while I figure if it would be better for them to wait or take Maddie home.

As I walk into Holly’s room, she says that her water broke.  She later described it as a rush or gush of fluid preceded by a “snappping” feeling.  Yeah.

“That’s probably to be expected,” I say not thinking at the time that we had just reached the point of no return.  Once the amniotic fluid no longer protects the baby, he cannot stay in the uterus for long.  “I’ll tell them if you want me to.”

“Yes, I want you to.  I think it got on their sterile tray she left down there.”

“Just so you know, her water broke,” I tell the nurses in the hallway.  That “back on the clock” look duplicated, except they were already at condition yellow.  Next thing, I’m telling Holly that they know, and they’re in the room, unhooking her monitoring leads and cables, moving her, on her bed, into the hall, telling me to follow her.

“It’s a sterile area, you’ll need to wait here until I get you your gown.”

Huh.  This is going fast.

Another nurse helps me quickly don blue footies, a mint colored hair net, yellow mask, and a yellow scrub gown.  We’re walking in the process.  I don’t remember anyone tying that gown, but someone did, wasn’t me.

When I see her, she’s being moved onto a surgical table half dozen people all masked, gloved, and gowned, are waiting for her.  Dr. Assaley walks in a few minutes later, and while he’s washing his hands (i.e. scrubbing in), I tell him that she wasn’t going to wait, and didn’t tell me until the contractions were 10 minutes apart.  He smiles and slightly rolls his eyes and bobs his head, as if to say, “yeah, we get that a lot.”

“Breath, sweetheart,” I tell her.  My place is at Holly’s left ear.  The anesthesiologist at her right ear.  They eventually give me a short steel stool.  “Don’t push! Breath,” I say again.  I’m not alone in this, everyone is trying to get Holly to calm down.

“It hurts!  I have to push!  I can’t stand it.  Medicine!  Pain medicine now!”

“Don’t push!  Breath.”

They ask me to leave while they administer the spinal block which seemed like it took 10 minutes.  At one point, after the anesthesiologist gave the local on her back, and was doing what looked like a spinal tap, someone said to Holly not move, and it looked to me like the whole room froze.  No one moved.  No one spoke.  As if someone would make her move while working around Holly’s spinal chord.  It couldn’t have been more than 30 seconds.  Those 30 seconds were surreal to watch from the doorway.  As though a glass of water falling from a table would ever suspend in air, or a spray of grease from a pan would ever stop before hitting the stove.  Time stood still.  Then she completed her procedure before another contraction.

“It’s not working,” holly cried.

“It takes a few minutes to take effect.”

Kay, a nurse, was holding Holly after they asked me to step out for the spinal.  Holly was clutching onto Kay like a baby Koala to its Mommy.

Soon, a blue drape was inserted between doctors and holly’s head, and clipped to the steel poles.  The procedure of birthing Blake began.

“It still hurts!” said holly.  The anesthesiologist told Dr. Assaley that what he did was not numb to Holly.

“I’m not doing anything.”

“Please knock me out!”

“Can you do that if she wants?” I asked.  In typical movie operating room form, I didn’t get a direct answer.

“We won’t put her completely out.”

Eventually, holly was given both a breathing mask of nitrous oxide and a dose of fentinol, a morphine derivative.  She was sedated.

“Can she hear me?”

“No, but she’s breathing on her own.”  If I told someone that they would not be completely out and that meant they’d still be breathing, most people would be under the impression that I understated.  “Fully out” means the inability to breath for oneself.  Holly could not hear my encouragement, but I still whispered into her ear.

“I love you.  You’re going to be ok.  I love you.  You’re having a baby today.  You’re doing great, my love.”

After a short time, Blake was presented and brought to the warmer.  He looked great.  I noticed a slight laceration on his right ribcage about 1.5 cm long from the scalpel that incised his old home.  A little bleeding, like a paper cut.

He was a breech baby, Frank-breech to be specific.  The distinguishing sign was the position of his legs: he kept his ankles by his ears for so long that he would not put them down.  This made him look like a cartoon, child book, turned to the “V” page.  This also means that had we gone to the zoo and not made it back before labor after so much walking, I would have had the unfortunate task of having my first child-delivery in the car an hour and a half from anywhere with a decent hospital, delivering a breech baby.  Someone would have had a medical emergency, I’m sure of it.  I’m even more glad we didn’t go.  But I still want to.

Another 30-50 minutes of procedure on holly, and she was closed.  Her suture line looked really good.  I was holding Blake for much of that time next to Holly’s left ear.  She couldn’t hear me then, either.

SUNDAY (Later)

Leslie and Al came into the room with Maddie, and I recorded a video of Maddie seeing Blake for the first time.  She says “awe” a lot when she sees him.  He’s so small.  She said, “look, Blake’s crying.  Don’t cry, Blake.”

Of Holly and I, I changed his first poopie diaper.  Then within 20 minutes, two of Maddie’s.  I think that’s pretty good.

MONDAY

Holly has walked a little, her cath and IV are out.

Blake is back and forth to the nursery and exams.

They have yet to get him to hear in one ear, but they say that’s very common.

I am still figuring if I’m half a dad or twice a dad.  I went home for a short time this evening again, same as yesterday.  I had enough time to play with maddie a little.  We did the night time routine of potty, light shower, wash hands, brush teeth (even rinsed and spat), wash face, towel, and new diaper, pajamas, then medicine, milk, night night hugs and kisses.  In bed with Helen and Tuffy.  “Twinkle twinkle little star” with a few, “I love you’s” and “sweet dreams.”

Holly has yet to get him to nurse really well, but he’s getting better.  Give them both time.  Everyone is different.

“Fruit filled pancakes with Cinnamon apples” have no fruit or apples, at least here.  Their scrambled eggs are good, and so are their medium sub sandwiches.

The nurses and staff surprised me with their friendliness.  Our brief visit a few weeks ago lowered the bar on what I was expecting.  That nurse was ok, but seemingly stern.  These nurses and doctors are all nice and understanding.  So far, both delivery experiences I’ve had are good, with almost no complaints.

Blake’s crying sounds like a baby bird.  I think Maddie was the same at first, but I cannot remember the sound of her crying as a newborn, though I know she did quite a lot.  Blake is so darned little.  He fits in one arm with room to spare.  Maddie barely fits in two arms, and rarely like to stay in one place anyway.  Maddie is such a bundle of fun and energy, who lights up a room and makes everyone smile.  Maddie has set the bar very high for my expectations and hopes for Blake.  Everyone is different and no one will be compared to each other.  My biggest hope is that they will have some sort of positive energy feedback loop, helping and encouraging each other to excel and be happy.  I don’t mean that they should need be competitive with each other, but, rather, make each other better.

I didn’t read as much as I wanted while not with Holly.

But I did manage to write a little.

Blake's Arrival (From Holly's point of view)

Blake’s Birth Story

If there is one thing I learned about my son it is that he is impatient and wants to do things in his own time.

Friday
I had been having contractions at night but not so bad that I could not sleep through them and they would not last all night. However, I wanted to mention it to the doc and have him check for any progress. My desire was to take Maddie to the Zoo on Saturday so that Mark and I could have a fun day with just her, showing her all the animals. We had been talking about it all week..what animals she was going to see and what we were going to do. I was really looking forward to it but was beginning to get that sinking feeling it was not a good idea (a 3 hour drive with about an hour or more where there is nothing around).

Dr Lee checked me out and said that I was 3 cm and 50% effaced. Where that still could mean he would not come early (I was 3cm and 50% with Maddie at 32 weeks), he still thought the Zoo was a bad idea...due to the car ride and being in the middle of nowhere for too long. I was heartbroken that my plans for Maddie were not working out...but I knew it was the right advice.

On the way back to Mark’s office I started to feel worse. I was having contractions but far apart. When we pulled up to Mark’s office his co-workers were outside on their way to lunch. Laura kept telling me I had that look of someone about to go into labor. I told her I was beginning to feel that way. After dropping Mark off, I had two more contractions on the drive home...one so bad that I had to grab the ceiling handle and bite my lip. It was beginning to concern me..they got as close at 9 minutes apart but then started to spread back out again until they were gone.

I called my parents and told them the trip to the Zoo was off and suggested they head straight out to KY. Of course their RV would not start and they were stranded in NC. It worried me but I knew they would do whatever they could to get here and they did. They spent the night in Charleston, WV (an hour away) and arrived in KY the next morning. I went through the whole night without any more contractions and started to feel better.

Saturday

Since we couldn’t take Maddie to the zoo we decided to just have a fun day with her. We started off going to Starbucks for breakfast. We let her pick her own breakfast, she picked a marble loaf and gobbled it down before going outside to play with daddy. I stayed inside because my back was beginning to hurt, as was my stomach and needed to stay in the comfortable chairs.

After Starbucks we headed over to Dreamland pool to meet Mandi and her little ones for some fun in the sun. I was feeling really sore, finding it hard to get around and feeling increasingly nauseated. After my parents joined us at the pool Maddie was no longer interested in playing in the water, she just wanted to hang out with Nana and Pop Pop so we packed up and headed to lunch.

I was wayyyyyyy to nauseated to eat but knew I had to so I went over to subway and got a veggie sub and then joined my family at the chinese buffet. I felt like I couldn’t make it though lunch, I was so sore and so tired...I could barely keep my eyes open. I decided to go lay down in the RV until everyone was ready to go. When we got home I took a 3 hour nap and woke up feeling a lot better.

After dinner (at the Mexican restaurant..where I did NOT eat anything spicy) Mark and I put Maddie to bed and snuggled in front of the TV to watch Clash of the Titians. I started to have contractions again, so Mark downloaded a contraction time app for his phone and started keeping track. I think they got as close at 15 mins apart and then started to spread out again.

Mark went to bed around 11:30 but after laying down for a few minutes I started to feel bad again. I started timing my contractions and they got as close as 8 minutes apart and were starting to really hurt. I felt like they would just go away since I had contractions at night before and they didn’t lead to anything but just in case I went to wake up Mark and tell him. He did not quite wake up which would explain his response:
Me: Mark, I am having contractions 8 minutes apart
Mark: Okay
Me: if they continue like this for an hour or get closer we need to go to the hospital
Mark: We are not going to the hospital tonight because we are not having a baby
Me: If they get closer we are
Mark: we are NOT having a baby tonight.

Sunday

I went to check my hospital bag and make sure there was not anything else that needed to go into it and tried to relax. However, this is where I got stupid. My contractions were still 8 minutes apart but they were starting to HURT, like couldn’t talk, couldn’t walk and almost crying kind of hurt. I should of woken Mark up and gone to the hospital (STUPID ME). But then the next one was 10 minutes later so I thought they were getting better. But then all of the sudden they were 5 minutes apart and even more painful, the pain got so bad that I had to run to the bathroom to throw up. . . I have never waddle/ran so fast ...made it to the toilet just in time but as I went to get sick the toilet lid closed on my face, smacking me hard. I screamed for Mark and told him we needed to go to the hospital. I asked him to call my parents and I would call my doctor. But he told me we would call them from the car, but he just wanted to leave. I argued with him that we should leave Maddie asleep and wait till my parents go there (yeah, I am the stupid one in this situation)...Mark told me we were not waiting. I protested the whole way out the door. Even suggested stopping by Mandi’s house to drop Maddie off. But Mark had a goal in mind and it was going to the hospital. It was 1:00 am.

When we got in the car Maddie asked me, What are we doing mommy?, in her sweet little whisper. I explained to her we were going to see Mommy’s doctor and that she might get to meet Blake tonight. To which Mark replied “Maybe not, we don’t need to have a baby tonight”.
By this point my contractions were 3 minutes apart and hurting really bad. I was sick to my stomach a few times on the way there. Thank goodness Mark thought ahead to bringing a trash bag. I was so miserable, I wanted him to speed...I wanted to get there FAST. But Mark was calm and collected, getting there but not risking our lives. He did run ONE light, which I agreed on before he did it.

When we got there Mark ran in to get a wheelchair while I waited in the car. When he got back he helped me into the chair then scooped Maddie into his arms along with her pink cat Helen and her blanket that he had so thoughtfully grabbed. By this point I was crying. The normal elevator was broken given Mark quite an obstacle course while pushing me and carrying Maddie. I am not sure how he did it, but I was quite impressed.

Mark gave the front desk my registration form and they took me back into a “let’s decide how serious this is” room to check me out. They had me pee in a cup and change into a gown so they could check me. I was 7cm so they went off to call Dr Assley and told me they were taking me over to the other side because I was DEFINITELY having a baby tonight. I started asking for drugs but of course they could not give them to me since I was getting a c-section. They seemed in a slight hurry but acting like they still had time. I, however was feeling worse and worse...not to mention guilty that Maddie was sitting there looking at me all concerned as I cried my way through contractions. When my parents arrived Mark went out to take them to the waiting room while the nurses left the room to go get things to prepare me for the c-section. While they were gone I was laying on my back and I heard a snap as my water broke. I started crying as the contractions got worse and I realized I was all alone. When Mark stuck his head in I told him and he said okay, that’s good. I asked him to please go tell the nurses right away and then whimpered about being left all alone so hurry. The nurses ran in, verified that my water had broken (not hard to do since it broke all over the sterile tray they put down on the bed), they checked my progress and told me I was 9-10 cm ad that they were taking me to the OR. The contractions had gotten so bad I was yelling through them.

They got me into the OR and moved me over to the operating table. The doctor checked me out and said that Blake was Breach (yet another good reason we did not go to the Zoo, Mark would of had to preform an emergency C-section in the middle of no where). For me things seemed to go from bad to worse. The contractions were unbearable plus I could feel the pressure to push getting stronger. I was crying, I was saying I could not do it....basically I was breaking down. After what felt like FOREVER they finally had to sit me up to give me the spinal block (which at this point I had asked like 20 million times when they were going to make the pain go away). When I sat up the urge to push was overwhelming, I could feel my body pushing even though my brain was saying no. I could see Mark standing off to the side giving me looks of encouragement but I was surrounded by nurses telling me I could do it, that it was okay, not to push...so on and so forth...it was not helping. I was screaming so Kay (an older nurse) grabbed me and gave me a big bear hug. I held onto her with all my might, I squeezed her probably way to hard through contractions but I could not let go...I felt like holding onto her was the only thing that was keeping me from splitting into two. Other nurses (younger nurses) offered to step in and take over for her...to which Kay responded “I don’t think she will let me go” and I replied “no I am not letting her go”. I remember yelling “Why don’t I feel a needle in my back”, “where is the needle” ...it felt like an eternity and the pain is getting worse by the minute. I felt like I was not going to make it. When I finally let go of Kay I saw she was shaking as bad as I was. I think I may of broke her. Finally they got the needle in my back and laid me back down. I thought the pain was going to disappear immediately...okay maybe I just more needed the pain to disappear immediately. Alas, it did not. The put up the sheet so they could get started. The urge to push was still there but after an eternity that started to disappear, however I could still feel being pricked and checked...and then the contraction pain came back...What the heck why would it come back? I was crying and asking to be knocked out (mind you I had previously said I never wanted to be knocked out during childbirth).

They put a mask on my face and instructed me to breath...Mark was by my side reminding me to breath too...I felt like it was never going to work but then the next thing I knew I was opening my eyes trying to figure out what was going on. I vaguely remembered hearing a baby cry, but didn’t think it was real. I remembered asking something about when is the baby coming or something, to which Mark responded “he is already here Holly, I am holding him”. He was born at 2:29 AM, 7lbs and 4 ounces and 20 inches long.

With the pain still fresh in my memory my next question was “you tied my tubes right?”. It was a very important question, as I did not plan on doing that EVER again.

Mark brought over Blake, I remember it taking a little while before the haze of confusion left. I thanked Kay for all her help and I think I may of promised her flowers. They let me hold Blake and I remember thinking he was PERFECT. After a few minutes they wheeled me into the next room where Maddie came in to meet her little brother. She was so sweet for it being about 3AM. She said “Hi Blake” and wanted to touch and kiss him. When they took Blake off to the nursery Maddie climbed into bed with me and snuggled until it was time for her to go home. She is such a sweetie.

I am so glad that Mark is so good under pressure. I think that if he had let me have my stubborn way to wait for my parents before leaving the house or was not as cool and calm as he was that who knows what would of happened. It went too fast, Blake was determined to come. I can’t imagine the pain if we were even later. I am grateful for him. What a great husband. What a great little family.